Witness to a Miracle

Yesterday I completed some paperwork as a reference for a very dear friend.  You see, my friend and her husband are about to adopt a little boy, but they still need the blessing from the state.  While it wasn't hard for me to say nice things about them, how do you convey a miracle?
My friends have two beautiful children, but for a long time now they have had a little hole in their hearts where a little person needs to be.  They tried very hard to have another baby and almost filled that void many times, but it just wasn't God's plan for them.  They prayed the little person was out there somewhere, but the prospect of adoption was daunting, especially considering the lack of little ones to adopt.

Then a little boy just appeared out of nowhere.  That sounds like an exaggeration, but it's the beginning of a series of miracles.

Question:  How will this couple react to the addition of a child in their home?
Answer:  They will love the child as a gift from God because he was given to them.

Here's the story:  Another close friend has a co-worker who inquired whether she knew of a good Catholic family that might be interested in adopting a baby.  Evidently, the co-worker is a relative of a woman raising her toddler grandson.  Grandmother is not equipped to do this and is convinced the child would be better with a complete family.  Close Friend #2 immediately thought of my very dear friend and put them in touch with the Grandmother - the BIG miracle #1.

Question:  Please describe the values and morals of the adoptive couple.
Answer:  They trust God with all their hearts and know He will do what is best for them.  Period.

As the process started, there were a number of little hurdles to overcome.  First, the child's mother had to recognize that she wasn't able to raise the boy and she could do the most loving thing by giving him a chance at a stable family who would raise him to be an upright man.  Next, my friends needed legal assistance to maneuver the intricacies of the adoption process.  Once again, Close Friend #2 was approached by another co-worker who mentioned that his uncle specializes in open adoptions for Catholic families - Miracle #2

Question:  Are the prospective parents prepared to provide a stable environment for a child?
Answer:  They have been ready, willing and able for a long time, but now it's happening so fast it's almost too good to be true.

Anyone who has been through an adoption knows it takes a long time - sometimes years.  My dear friends knew they already had a miracle in a little boy who found them even before they were looking, but they were guarding their hearts so they wouldn't get hurt.  Ready for Miracle #3?  The biological mother not only signed away her parental rights, she did so with an explicit condition that the baby go to my very dear friend and her husband.  Grandmother was ready to let the baby spend quality time with his new family.  The entire process from Miracle #1 to #3 has been a few months.  That is a miracle unto itself.

Question:  Do you know of any reason why these prospective parents should not be eligible to adopt a child?
Answer:  Are you kidding me?  If you don't believe this is the right child for the right family at the right time, you're not paying attention to the story.

While the story has not [quite] ended, I am confident it will end with a happy family of two parents, two siblings and one very lucky little boy.  God is good - all the time.

cindy

The Way It Ought to Be

My son participates in a an extracurricular school for the arts and every year about this time they do a revue with the various age groups.  The theme this year was America, and this little group did some great little numbers

They were so sweet.  Each came forward and sang little solos, including "God Bless America."

I loved it, but it also made me cry.

These are kindergarteners.

This is the way kindergarteners should be spending a Saturday before Christmas.

cindy

Family Wedding

Sometimes it's good to go home.  I'm getting to that middle age when you only get to see your extended family at funerals.  Last weekend we traveled to Illinois for a joyous purpose - my brother's wedding.  My four brothers and sisters, husbands and wives as well as most of their children, were there to celebrate.  We are really quite the crowd:

I didn't realize my immediate family was so big until I looked at this picture.  Not only did my immediate family attend, a good number of my cousins with their kids (and a few grandkids) showed up.  I had 23 cousins on my mother's side growing up and counting their spouses, children and grandchildren, there were 21 family members there representing the original 23.  That might not sound like a lot of family members to some people, but my cousins are scattered from Boston to Virginia, from New Orleans to Eau Claire, Wisconsin, and everything in between, especially southern Illinois.  The best part?  Because of social media, I feel like I still know what my cousins are doing most of the time.  Gotta love it.

We don't get too many chances these days to gather for occasions like weddings.  My mother was one of five girls and in the last four years, 3 of them have died, including my mother.  It's wonderful to know that even as my mother's generation is waning, their children still enjoy getting together and introducing new members of their families.  How ironic that probably the last wedding of the cousins is my brother's, the oldest cousin.

My kids were very surprised to find out how many "cousins" they have.  Here are the first cousins:

My daughter kept asking how she was related to all the other family she was meeting.  I kept repeating that they were all "cousins," some just farther removed.  During her week in Illinois, she also visited with my husband's family, including "cousins."  After we returned to Arizona, she missed being so far away from her extended family on both sides.  As the unofficial family genealogist, I was thrilled to see both of my children so interested in their family roots.

My cousins used to comment that such a large family came from the five "Wilbourn girls" (my mother and her sisters).  As we get older, our families have become very extended.  My kids and their cousins will now look to the five "Hendricks kids" as their source.

Mom and Dad would be so proud.

cindy

On the Go

I know my blog is called "Straddling the Gap," but these days my whole family is straddling lots of huge gaps.  The kids are so busy with activities, it's all Kent and I can do to keep up.  Mackenzie has religious education, choir, softball, Girl Scouts and martial arts.  Christian has religious education, Boy Scouts, bowling, Do-Re-Mi (music group), martial arts and youth group.  (And we were worried he wouldn't have enough social interaction with homeschooling!)

Kent and I do a lot of "hand-offs."  Because his days are spent teaching our son, he does his work in the evening and on weekends.  I come home, we say hello and goodbye, and I see him about an hour before bedtime.  It's not the easiest arrangement, but it appears to work best for the kids.  It's a little more hectic for Kent and I.  Kent recently told me "Welcome to the tween years."  I guess so.

The next 10 years are going to be interesting.  Our kids will go through the teen years into college and we will approach retirement.  I tell myself that our kids will keep us young, but in the meantime I might get a lot more gray hair.

Buckle up.

cindy

Shaking the Tree

I've been working on a quilt - it's one crazy quilt.  There are lots of fabric colors and designs, and I had this insane idea to hand embroider over the seams.  The squares are uneven and the embroidery is crude.  It's a bit of a hot mess, but one of a kind.  And I am spending a LOT of time to finish it.

When my dad died, I realized I knew almost nothing about my family name.  My dad was the only child of essentially a single mother.  That's when I became interested in genealogy.  I've been shaking the trees on both sides of my family since then and I've been amazed and amused at what I have found.  I have learned that even though it's exciting to know you are a descendant of Charlemagne, Holy Roman Emperor (really!), at some point the names become meaningless without some backstory.

Chance Encounters

Last weekend I had the pleasure of meeting the parents of one of my dearest friends.  My friend is one of the kindest people I have ever met, with an infectious smile and a warm hug.  I was intrigued to discover the people who raised this very special person.  I was not disappointed.

Her dad is a character.  No, really, a character, someone bigger than life.  He's a big guy with a huge personality.  The best description I can offer is that he is the ultimate Texan.  He knows everything about oil and Texas history and other interesting topics and he's not afraid to share it.  He's one of those rare people who can be a big personality without being a big ego.  KWIM?

Her mom is a sweet, nurturing woman.  She doesn't say too much, but it's not because she's shy or doesn't have anything to say.  It's because she is a listener, and a good listener at that.  She looks right at you when you talk and is genuinely interested in what you have to say.  She's proud of her daughter, but more importantly, admires her as a person.

As interesting as these people are, that's not why I was so fascinated with them.  What is remarkable is how my friend is the perfect combination of both of her parents.  She's a wonderful listener, compassionate and sensitive.  At the same time, she has a smile as big as Texas and a mischievous twinkle in her eye.  Wherever she goes she fits in and charms everyone in the crowd.

As interesting as it is to see the physical resemblance among children and parents, it's so much more enlightening to see the "inner" resemblance.  It brings a whole new facet to a dear friend and I'm privileged to have experienced that chance encounter.

cindy

If Our Mothers Had the Internet . . .

Every time I go to a linky party I see some amazing things.  It's mind boggling.  I'm speechless when I see all the creativity and talent from bloggers and on Etsy.  You can use the internet to find anything and learn to do anything.  It makes me wonder what our mothers could have done if the internet existed in the 70's and 80's.  I suspect there would have been less valium prescribed.

We could have linky parties featuring macrame plant holders and owl swings.

Just imagine what we could do with Jello!

Ponchos, legwarmers and tie dye, O MY!

Somehow Brats dolls don't translate as well to cakes

Don't forget those latch hooked rugs!

If our mothers had the internet they could have been more crafty, thrifty, and fashionable, even with mod podge, felt and egg cartons

Wait - I think I saw that last week in a linky party!

cindy

Monday Morning Quarterback

In recent days as part of my job as an attorney, I endured three days of hearings on a very specialized and technical matter.  An independent third party conducted a study and the subject of the hearing was second guessing the third party and disputing whether the determinations made by the party were precise enough.  There were numerous parties on either side of the issue, and a courtroom full of attorneys and expert witnesses.  It was mind boggling.

It reminded me a bit about raising my children.  There are many individual decisions and environmental factors that go into how my children are shaped and formed.  Long after those decisions and factors shape and form them I may look at my adult child and second guess why I did this or that, or whether I made mistakes along the way.  Why is my child an angry/impatient/apathetic/timid person?  What made him that way?  Did I do enough to address the issue, or did I create it?  Sometimes I’m not even waiting until my child is an adult.  Why does my child have ADHD/obesity/lack of respect?

“Monday-morning quarterbacking” is a waste of time and energy.  We all do the best we can, given the circumstances we are in and the child we are working with.  To reexamine every decision and event that occurs is counter-productive (and it doesn’t help our own self confidence going forward).  Wouldn’t it be better to deal with where we are today?  If an issue needs to be corrected, let’s correct it, instead of trying to pinpoint how it occurred.  The fact is, how something influenced or shaped our child may have nothing to do with things we did, but instead related more to the circumstances and time and place the child was in at the time they were influenced or shaped.  Maybe there is no explanation.

I’m trying to take the pressure off myself, do the best I can, and let the chips fall where they may.  I need to keep the focus on today and let my children understand that I am human too, capable of making wise decisions and capable of making monumental mistakes.

Whew!  I’m relieved, how about you?

P.S. As a footnote, at the end of the hearing, the Court directed the third party not to be guided by the opinions of the various sides, but to use its best professional judgment.  I guess I'm not the only one to reject Monday Morning quarterbacks!

cindy 

Vaccines: We're in this Together

When he was five, my oldest brother spent a month in an iron lung in a hospital 45 minutes from my parents' home.  Have you ever seen an iron lung?

An iron lung is a negative pressure chamber that literally pushed air in and out of my brother's body.  Why?  Because the alternative was paralysis and maybe death from polio.  In the 1950s polio was the disease that made every mother terrified because it could strike without warning and spread like wildfire with no explanation or cure.  When the Salk vaccine was initially developed, my mom couldn't wait to get my then three year sister vaccinated.

When I was little, most kids suffered with measles, mumps, rubella and chicken pox.  In fact, there was a significant outbreak of rubella around the time I was born that resulted in an estimated 20,000 infants born with congenital rubella syndrome, with an additional 2,100 neonatal deaths and 11,250 miscarriages. Of the 20,000 infants born with congenital rubella syndrome, 11,600 were deaf, 3,580 were blind and 1,800 were mentally retarded.  Can you imagine how scared my mom was, especially when my brother contracted rubella when I was 6 weeks old?

People like me who had mumps, rubella and chicken pox as kids without complications were the lucky ones.  Adult men who get mumps frequently get testicular infections and adult women who contract chicken pox during pregnancy (because they weren't immunized or didn't have the disease) can have a child with birth defects.

So what's my point?  Vaccines have resulted in significant improvements in the quality of life throughout the world.  The risk of many significant and widespread diseases has all but disappeared.  In fact, we no longer vaccinate for smallpox because the disease has been eradicated.  Unfortunately there are many diseases that are virtually gone in the U.S. but still exist in the world:  polio, pertussis (whooping cough), diphtheria, chicken pox, mumps, measles, rubella and so many others.  These diseases are just an international flight away.

There is a movement to "exempt" children from routine childhood vaccines.  Here's the thing - if you choose not to vaccinate your child, I have no problem with you taking that risk with your child.  The problem is that there are others - people in my generation who don't have immunity because vaccines weren't available, infants who haven't been vaccinated, people with suppressed immune systems and more.  There have been specific examples of diseases returning when vaccinations were suspended - mumps on an Iowa college campus, pertussis in Sweden and the United Kingdom and various measles outbreaks.  Funny thing - of all of the arguments I've heard or read about the "risks" of vaccinations, I haven't seen one that disputes the fact that vaccines save hundreds of thousands of lives.  It's one thing to expose your children to diseases that may not be common today, but another to subject others to those diseases. Why do we want to bring back the fear our mothers and grandmothers experienced with their children?

Please - when you think about whether to vaccinate or not to vaccinate your child, please think about all of our children.

cindy